U is for Unicorn

U is for unicorn. And uterus, (which I always mistake for the word Eucharist ), and u-turn, and unbelievable – and now I’m already bored. (U is a tricky letter. No?)

I was in London yesterday. My husband Ben was speaking at a drone conference, and I tagged along for the ride. Off he went to speak about the use of drones in broadcasting, and off I went to spend the day in Hampstead.

The last time I was in Hampstead we actually lived in London. Also, the last time I was in that area, my mother-in-law was alive and living just around the corner. Being back there surprised me with a gale force wind of memories. Everything reminded me of her. The tube-station reminded me of going to see her after work. The smell of the supermarket reminded me of picking up a treat along the way. I could hear her sing-song-y voice saying, ‘There you are! Come in, come in!’ I swear she was standing right in front of me. Walking past the bakery reminded me of the time I we had coffee together, and she was complaining about her grey hair, and I said she didn’t have any, and she said it’s because she has a good hairdresser, and I agreed that a good hairdresser is crucial.

Walking down the street, every smell, sound and sight triggered a jumble of memories. Thinking about everything that was lost forever made me sad, but at the same time I felt a surge of relief. I no longer have a 9-5 job. We live in the Cotswolds. I’m spend my days writing. My nearest village has a great hairdresser.

I walked into Waterstones. That’s a big-ass bookstore with a wonderful café on the top floor. Even when I lived in London, Waterstones was my sanctuary. There are books everywhere. Shelves and shelves of them.The staff is friendly, but not pushy. I started browsing through the books, and before I knew it two hours had passed.

At the café I consumed a latte and a chocolate chip cookie, I wrote and I read. Then I joined Ben at the drone conference, and after pizza and beer we took the train back to the Cotswolds. The second I stepped off the train I exclaimed, ‘Fresh air! Smell the fresh air!’ I was so happy to be home again, you have no idea.

U is for unbelievably happy. 

My life. My choices.

‘Don’t look at the time. Focus. Stop complaining. Just get on with it.’

A few years back when I was at work, I got totally lost in an internal rant. It was the same old story of feeling bored, confused and stuck. Then I remembered this feng shui exercise where you make a collage of your perfect dream life. What on earth would that look like?

Even though I was clueless, I became extremely curious. I snapped back into work-mode and finished off the Ambassador’s itinerary for his upcoming trip, ran downstairs with the mail, replied to the most pressing emails, and sat down to map out my dream life.

Hm……………………………..

Well………………

What am I allowed to wish for here……………?

Anything at all…………..?

Where to start?

I had no clear voice saying, ‘I want to become a doctor and move to Berlin!’ Or, ‘I want to go to Africa and work at an orphanage!’ It was more like, ‘I love sunflowers, and books are great….’

Big all-encompassing dream? Where are you? 

When I stopped thinking in terms of one BIG goal, and started ticking off all the little things I liked, the collage ended up looking like this:

I wanted a room with a view. I wanted a bulldog.  I wanted to work from home (doing what exactly?). I wanted to be free of the 9- 5 existence. I wanted to feel more in control; forge my own path and not be so confined to company policies and guidelines. I printed out my collage and stared at it. Dream on! Then I folded it in two, put it inside my calendar and forgot all about it.

Today my life is pretty much like this collage:

I don’t have my bulldog, but I have a fluffy cute cat. Writing is harder, but also more rewarding, than I thought it would be. I don’t have a sunflower field, but there is a flower shop down the road. One thing at a time….

Between these two collages I quit my job, moved to the Cotswolds and began to write. Not that I consciously went ticking off the nine squares on the collage; one by one. It was more subtle than that. What happened is that I stopped fretting about what I didn’t like about my life, and began to take small, small steps towards a life that felt more like me. Then when the time came to take the big leap of actually handing in my notice, I felt ready, prepared and excited.

So what’s next? This year has been one of my most exciting years ever. It has also been a year filled with self-doubt, panic and fetal positions.

Perhaps it’s time for a new collage? I’m ready to get more specific.This time I’ll include a publishing contract, a muse, and tireless energy. I still want that bulldog puppy, and I’m toying with the idea of going back to school. I want more quality time with my husband and friends, a fire place, and an outdoors bathtub. Oh, and let’s not forget good health. After all the recent deaths in the family I realize that health is key.

I’m getting carried away here, but what do you think of this?

What would your collage look like? Is there anything you would like to improve, change, or get rid of? It’s your life. Your choices.

Dress code for death

When working at the the Norwegian Embassy I learned more about dress codes than any person should ever have to know. ‘Long gloves with spaghetti straps and short sleeves, and wrist-length gloves with long sleeves. ‘ Nothing too promiscuous at Ascot, or you will be turned away at the gate.

Day 369- Champagne and rejections

Yesterday three amazing things happened.

1. I got a rejection letter from yet another agent
2. The buss driver thought I was under 17
3. I spent the evening drinking leftover champagne

Day 340- Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

My little sister just interviewed me for a school project her class is working on. Lots of questions like:

• Best memory
• Worst memory
• Where did you grow up?
• Have you reached all your goals?
• Where do you see yourself in 5 years?