Class Dismissed!

This is what I took away from the master class on how to get published last Friday: agents are pompous snobs.

Correction: the agents at this class were pompous snobs. ‘Well, the truth is, most people can’t write,’ one said in a lofty tone. The other one said, ‘And to be honest, I’m very, very busy with my already existent clients, so I don’t have much time to read from the slush-pile.’ However, they wanted to ensure us that if the writing was good, then of course they would take us on as clients.

Someone asked about taste, as in: aren’t agents just as subjective as the rest of us? How much of the decision making comes down to personal taste? ‘None,’ they said. We are professional people and know good writing when we see it,’ they said.

I raised my hand and asked how much of the decision making is colored by trends and what they think will sell. ‘We know what will sell, ‘ one said. ‘There is no guesswork here. We can predict trends six, twelve months into the future, we know the market in ways that you don’t.’

I wanted to tear my hear out, but instead I finished my allotted glass of wine. I think it was Margaret Atwood who said that there are four types of books. Good ones that get published, bad ones that get published, good ones that will never get published, and bad ones that will never get published. That seems more realistic to me. I also recently met an author who said it’s all about who you know. He didn’t get published until he had a contact on ‘the inside.’ And let’s not forget all those amazing authors that got rejected time and time again, until one small publishing decided to take them on. (Read about them here. )

The point I’m trying to make is this: agents are humans too. I once read this article about a this agent who said, ‘Listen, my rejection letter is not a reflection on your writing. Maybe I just had a bad day. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe the book wasn’t for me. But please don’t give up, keep sending your work out there.’  I wish this agent had been part of the class. We were told, in so many words, that if it isn’t Shakespeare, we’re not interested. Which is ridiculous, because most readers don’t even read Shakespeare. And it’s like saying that if you’re not Leonardo da Vinci, put down your paintbrush. If you’re not Ottolenghi, but down the baking tray, if you’re not Coco Chanel, step away from the sewing machine.

Fair enough. Statistically speaking, only one out of a thousand manuscripts gets accepted. The competition is real and daunting. I get it. But what I don’t get is this weird attitude of ‘we’re almighty and omniscient.’

I guess I’m just frustrated because there is so much conflicting information floating around. Some agents are hell-bent on authors being super present on social media. Some says it doesn’t matter one bit. Some say, ‘we’re not interested in you, just your book,’ while some say, ‘it helps if you have an interesting personality and have done a lot of interesting things.’ Can’t we just agree that when it comes to books, it’s not as easy as 2+2=4?

On a positive note, I did learn how to write a cover letter. That will be useful. But after I told my friend about this class she said, ‘Man! Self-publishing is looking very attractive right now.’

Master Class Time!

Please arrive just a little before 18.30 so we can check you in and provide you with a glass of wine. I’m attending a getting published master class in London today. We’re starting off with a glass of wine (thank you!) and then we’ll hear from a best selling author on ‘Everything you need to know about how to find agents, how to approach them, and how to write a compelling synopsis and covering letter.’ 

I need this. When I started out, I never thought about what to do after the book was finished. I guess I hoped I would just meet an agent, at a party or something, and that would be that. The whole science of snagging the attention of agents, publishing houses and readers, is something I know very little about. So I need help. Hence the master class.

This class comes at a good time. I’m this close to finishing the re-write and editing of my book, I have other projects up my sleeve, and I’m finally ready to send my work ‘out there.’ I had a stab at this last year. Last year I was so thrilled to be done with the first draft that I felt that the universe owed me a book contract. That the book was half-baked and totally weird didn’t bother me. Not at all. I felt it was only right that someone else should  take it off my hands and transform it into a beautiful butterfly.

Agent after agent after agent refused me. And rightly so. I was cocky and full of myself, and I knew the book was crap. Surely the recognize potential when they see it! This is what I told myself. I was wrong.  

Looking back, I’m glad I went through all that. Moving forward I know what not to do, and with the help of the master class I’ll get some pointer on what to do instead. I’ll let you know how it goes. Have a great weekend:)